So last night me and some other ladies from church got together to learn how to make bread. Every time I try to make some I can never get my yeast to "come alive" and "thrive." Seriously, I think I have negative energy around me that sucks it's will to live. Anyway, so we got together and the Wonderful teacher Velika was so patient with all of the hormones that were there, but my stinking yeast wouldn't do a dang thing! Everyone else's would, just not mine. My poor partner. So Velika had to make me a new batch and it started to work a little, but I think I stood too close and my "negative energy" almost killed it. So I start adding flour and the dough just gets harder and harder and isn't looking at all like everyones else's. In all the Yeast confusion it turns out I only added half the water I was supposed to. I'm now like 45 minutes behind everyone and my patience is worn a little thin. The last thing I want to do is try and figure out how to kneed 1 1/2 cups of water into hard dough. So as politely as I could, I informed everyone that I could mess bread up at my own house and left. I went home and cried in my garage. Then, feeling a little ridiculous for crying over bread, I started laughing and couldn't stop. In the meantime Jarred and the boys had come out to the garage and witnessed Mom's little break down and became concerned. They all got in the car and took me to sonic for a "Cherry Ocean Water."
On our way home I get a call on my cell, it's Velika the teacher. She has revived my dough and is waiting with it at my house so I can bake it. Aww, how sweet. She gave me instructions to put it in a loaf pan, let it raise for 45 minutes and then bake it at 350 for 27 minutes. Pretty easy right? WRONG! After 1 hour it had barely risen at all, but I was tired so I was just gonna put it in the oven anyway. As I open the oven to place it in there wouldn't you know, I drop the freaking pan face down and the dough just hangs there on the rack. PROFANITY!!! Jarred comes over to calm me down, but it doesn't work. I throw the stupid dough back in the pan and let it raise AGAIN because it's all flat now after being tossed out of the pan. This time though I put it in the warm over for 2 minutes and then take it out to raise. It looks pretty good after 45 minutes so I pop it in the oven and let it bake; 27 minutes later I have a delicious, FLAT loaf of bread.
It's 12:30 am by now so I eat 3 pieces with butter and honey, take a big swig of milk and put my grouchy, tired butt in bed, vowing to never make bread again. That's what "Grandma Sycamore's" for right?
This would be another one of those "crappy mom" moments.
7 people were neglecting their kids:
I don't really know how to bake bread either. I would really like to learn how but figure I'd probably have an experience like yours. But I really love toasted homemade bread........hmmmm, what to do?
it must be in our genes or something. mine always does the exact same thing. that's why i didn't bother going, i gave up a long time ago.
k so here's how i "make" bread. go to the frozen foods isle. get a three pack of bridgestone white bread loaves. runs about 3-4 bucks. take one out, put it in the bread pan, let it thaw out and raise. bake at 375 for 20 minutes. voila, homemade bread. warm with honey and butter, the best. also, if you're in a hurry, you can put it in a ziplock bag (spray with pam first), and set it in a sink full of hot water. it will thaw out quick. also good for fry-bread sammies, rolls, cinnamon rolls, pizza dough, etc. hows that for a mommy moment! i'm a cheater. i don't care. its good.
Koe that is the funniest thing I can't believe it dumped in the stove. I am sorry but you are hilarous!
i'm sorry that it was so traumatic for you but it sure does make me feel better that i'm not the only one having meltdowns over not being able to make bread! i especially love that you had 3 pieces w/ bread & honey & went to bed! thats me in a nutshell :)and seriously sonic drinks make everything better!
Koe, I am with Megan that is one of the funniest things I have ever read! I am sorry. I have been putting off making (or learning how to make) bread for about a month b/c I know it will suck. Ask Megan about my banana bread experiences. Also funny that you cried about it in your car and then realized that you were crying over bread! Classic! LOL
I took mine home and we underbaked it so it tasted disgusting! I am with you on being a failure! I have tried so many times and now I know that I was meant to buy bread and I am ok with that.:)
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